Monday 5 August 2013


It's been a while but I have been wanting to get back to writing these blogs for a while so I’ll try to keep it up and maybe I’ll do another podcast too.

Well lets look at The Green Hornet I was living and working in Toronto when this and the Green Lantern came out and I just was not interested in any green movies that year.

So I sit here and I have chosen to watch a movie that like the phantom I just am not so invested in, I’m aware of the history of the character the 60's TV series with Bruce lee and the crossover with the 60's Batman but I never cared for The Green Hornet or any of those rich vigilantes who relay more on their sidekick then themselves you know the type that seem to appear more in the DC universe, I know Marvel and other comics have there’s but DC seems to have a lot.

So the movie opens in what I can only assume is the childhood of the Green Hornet, with stereo type 2 a disappointed single rich dad who seems to be a major prick. Ah the classic bad guy entrance reminiscent of 80's bad guys and James Franco Seth Rogan's bestie. I am holding back about James Franco cause he frustrates me, that is being polite.

James Franco pisses of Christoph Waltz who has a pistol with 2 barrels by saying he looks like a disco Santa and isn't scary. Christoph Waltz is scary I wish I could call him a Scary German Guy but he's Austrian. So glad he blew up James Franco.

I want to like Seth Rogan, but he only plays one thing which appears to be himself always partying and getting stoned. He gets told off by his dad again who I assume is going to die or get killed soon. Wow surprise I was right, who knew.

So selfish arrogant prick continues, he now controls a paper, fired all the staff at the house who worked for his father, then suddenly realises he needs one particular member of staff cause no one can make decent coffee/ I find that hard to believe.

15 minutes into this film and apart form Christoph Waltz who is the bad guy, there is no one likeable in it hopefully John Cho playing Kato might make me feel better about this film. So Kato makes a dame fine cup of coffee I wonder if he lived in Twin Peaks. So he shows some of the stuff he has worked on for his dad including the car, my question is why did his dad need a car like that and wow there is a Bruce Lee homage with Kato's drawing's.

OK Kato and Seth get drunk, Seth decides to cuts the head off his dad's statue and then when taking the head notices a couple being mugged but is a chicken and runs off after shouting at them, next Kato turns up to save the day is an awesome sequence which was clearly made for the 3D experience. I really think Kato and Tonto got the raw end of the deal they are the hero not the rich guy's. Maybe this is what influenced John Carpenter when he made Big Trouble in little China.

So Kato beats all the bad guys up and Seth gets one hit in at the end and they evade the police well try too and use as Seth calls the the “Ben Hur Shit” you know the cutters that comes out of the wheels.

I feel that Seth must be a nightmare for the script writers as I feel he improvises a lot and not for the benefit of the film. So Seth explains the plot and the job of a hero and how he will not do what they do in movies or comics.

Wow Clarissa Explains it all Dad is still working who knew. Kato comes up with the name The Green Hornet while Seth keeps trying to sell the Green Bee, he uses his news paper to publicise the 2 hero's hay at least he has control of the paper and is not like Peter Parker working as a photographer trying to take pictures of himself as spider man. 35 minutes in and Cameron Diaz finally arrives, I suspect she is just in this film to be another love interest, hope she doesn’t dance and end up being like her character in The Mask.

Well she is definitely more intelligent in this film then other characters she has played. Kato works on the car's and weapons while Seth works on his costume, which Kato ends up making. They go for a ride in the new car with a record player playing Gangsters Paradise weird, Seth then call his new secretary Cameron to get instructions on what the Green Hornet will do next. So we get another 3D fight sequence and they find out who the bad guy is Christoph Waltz. Wow Edward Furlong still looks Stoned and delivers the message about The Green Hornet and Christoph Waltz kills him.

The Editor of The Sentinel tries to warn him about reporting on the Green hornet and upsetting the DA who has promised to clean up the city. We then get a montage of them taking on more bad guys. Kato makes Seth a gas gun and Seth shoots himself and ends up being knocked out for 11 days and in that time Kato make 3 more Hornet cars and fixes the gas so it only lasts an hour and then Seth shoots him.

Kato and Seth fight over Cameron Diaz and the DA tries to get in touch with Seth. Finally the bad guys are getting annoyed with the Green Hornet as am I. I have spent 3 days forcing myself to watch this and I love comic book movies but this is just frustrating.

The Green Hornet is sent mail from the bad guy for a trap and Seth is getting pissed off at his side kick, time for the break up part of the film where they get pissed off at each other and one of them is bound to end up getting hospitalised or someone close is going to get hurt and they will have to take their role seriously and take real action against the bad guys. Christoph waltz uses 3 lorries to trap and push The green hornet, Kato and car in to a grave and bury them alive but Kato blows up the grave with all the weapons in the car. OK so only the bud guys got hurt.

Ah how meta Seth and Kato have a fight about who the hero is and who the side kick is, my money is on Kato winning this fight, Seth is a whinny, weak chicken who can't fight. Darn it Seth wins by default because Kato can't swim and gets fired along with Cameron Diaz.

Christoph waltz is now after the green hornet cause someone close to him was killed in the explosion earlier. The Editor of the paper tells Seth he has heightened this to the point of a climax, out of context this sounds rude, but within the film I hope that this means we are near the end cause this is awful.

The DA is sounding very sleazy, by saying he wants to help Seth but that it will be mutually beneficial to him to him, which means you help me get re elected and I help you control the news.
Mean while Christoph Waltz character wants to change his name and get a red costume.

So much exposition in this film and I am bored, there are better ways to explain the story then have some say what’s been happening, I got what had happened from the photo I did not need the explanation about what his dad had done, but hay I’m not the lowest common denominator that the studios aim at.

So Christoph and the DA have hired Kato to Kill Seth, wow that wasn't obvious and so Finally we get to the sad story of how the DA killed Seth’s dad and joined forces with Christoph, and Seth finally apologises to Kato and they are back together. And time for the obligatory chase section of the movie with multiple car crashes. And now I feel a Back to the Future Libyan shooting from the Van at Marty sequence. Kato defeats the bad guys while Seth tries to get a USB with a recording on it to the Daily Sentinel and on to the Internet surly there are easier ways to get information on the internet without going to the actual paper but have this must be the big final battle.

OK so Kato and Seth take the car in the elevator lose the back part of the car but it still drives cause it is front wheel drive. I am seriously willing this film to end it just isn't fun or funny. Oh yay a fight in the dark where you can't see anything and Kato's leg is trapped and Seth the idiot didn't record anything well done. But I think he is finally going to redeem himself and save Kato or not Kato saved himself. They kill the DA and Seth's only suggestion for the car ejector seats finally pays off.

And they go and hide out at Cameron Diaz place and figure out how to get rid of the bullet in his shoulder and that involves Kato Shooting him as Brit during a press conference, the best part of this film is the ending and the credit sequence.

I can completely understand why this was a flop, Britt Reid/Green Hornet (Seth Rogan) was unlike able as a character and apart form the first thing he and Kato did and the final fight they weren’t helping people they were just looking to take control of the gangs. Kato was the best thing as he was when Bruce lee played him and sadly his back story was not explored more they should have gone down the Big Trouble in little China root at least Kurt Russell had a likeable character and was trying to help but understood that he didn't understand.

I now see that Seth Rogan wrote this film which explains a lot of the inane conversations and movie references I wish he had tried to make a more serious Comic book film this could have been like the marvel movies which have serious subjects and have funny moments but this kept trying to be funny and it just wasn't, also I felt no real danger for the characters and no connection to them.

I feel this could have been so much better and maybe revived a classic Comic book character, but perhaps the classic characters like the Phantom, the Shadow and Dick Tracy no longer resonate with the public and the film makers don't know what do do with them.

But like always watch it yourself and make your own mind up about this film and all films don't take my word of it form your own opinion and hay let me know what you think.

No comments:

Post a Comment