NINE LIVES (2002)

Movie and TV Mistress here with a film called Nine Lives.

If you type the title into IMDB.com there are 9 films with that title and one film with Wesley Snipes called Unstoppable which has the alternate title Nine Lives, but the one that I’m watching is from 2002 and apparently stars Paris Hilton, so my expectations are very low.

Before I review this movie I should explain how I came to this point. I really am enjoying writing reviews of films I know many people have not seen, but a lot of the ones I have reviewed are films I like and though it's nice to read and write a positive review once in awhile, I found I really did like slating some of the terrible films I have seen. I was at a friends and she was getting rid of a lot of her DVD's, we have similar tastes, but she has some films I have not even had the guts to pick up and buy such as this one; so I asked if I could take some from her to review she was more then happy to let me take them off her hands and so we are brought to me sitting down and finally forcing myself to watch a Paris Hilton film.

I have read the very long description on the box which tells you exactly what happens and the cause of the up coming deaths I just hope this is a short film, well at 81minutes it looks like it could be, but time as Einstein says is relative.

So the Movie opens with a girl running though corridors with a knife crying I guess that will be towards the end. Next we have the opening credits with cars driving to a very large estate in Scotland and then it says on screen “Earlier that day” Like we couldn't guess. I don't know if the lighting is bad or if their trying to be stylish in some way.

I can tell Paris is not acting she is basically playing herself as usual. So we have a group of good looking and posh kids I already want to die and it is only 5 minutes in to the film, that’s a Lie when I read the box I wanted them dead.

OK we have couples forming and really bad jump scares that mean nothing, we have a boring scene of them talking about shit around a dinning table. Not even the diner room scene in The Evil Dead was this long and even in Peters Friends I cared more about what was happening between the friends at those dinners then I do right now.

I am now 15 minutes in to the film and I’m yearning for some one to be killed so this film can end, as I write this we see our first possession by an evil spirit but no death. Oh dear there is a creepy book hidden behind a wall, could it be an ancient Sumerian text that was not meant for the living, no it's the history of the house and a guy called Murray. While that's happening we have Paris Hilton Striping for what reason I don't know.

Finally after Tom has read the book it becomes blank and just says I have returned in it, then Tom has no eyes and knocks the birthday boy to the ground. Next we have girls being scared and Paris screaming, Yay Paris is dead.

All the phones in the house even the mobiles are not working wow that’s unlucky, we have more pointless jump scares. The staff are dead, Tom is still missing, the girl with the Birthday boy freaks out thinking he is the killer and runs to the door and surprise surprise in pops eyeless Tom who kills her. He then fights with Birthday boy who kills Tom and is then possessed by the evil spirit of Murray and slices another girl in the stomach and runs.

At last something is happening and I feel that they are trying to emulate Evil Dead and The Thing with the possession and paranoia. The girl (Laura) from the start of the film seems the smartest she's locked herself in a room with a guy and the girl who was cut and won't let anyone in.

I thought the lighting was bad before now the lights in the huge house are all out, well accept the lights plugged into the wall in the study Laura is in, which makes no sense if the fuses have blown. Damien and Pete are looking in the Basement for Birthday boy Tim, Duh Duh Duh, Tim turns up and knocks Damien and Pete out, Damien kills Tim then disappears, Pete wakes up he goes back to the locked room and Andy the guy with Laura lets him into the room. We get another explanation of the history and the Spirit of Murray Possessing people, Laura believes Damien is possessed and is going to kill them.

More lame jump scares as Laura and Pete go in search of Damien and plan to capture him, their plan would have worked if they didn't loose a key. The girl with the sliced stomach is doing well considering no medical treatment.

This is so boring I'm finding it hard to focus on it but after some more jump scares Damien goes outside and jumps though the window into the locked room kills the girl who is dying Andy kills him Girl wakes up with no eyes and Andy kills her again. Now it is between Laura, Pete and Andy to survive when Laura accidentally stabs Andy it is finally at the start of the film and she is locked out begging to be let in then she asks peter to Kill her before Andy dies to break the link. She stabs herself, I hope that’s this over.

The book is back to normal and Pete gives a long monologue about why he survived because he was the only Scottish guy in the group then burns the book. If the police turned up he would probably go to jail for all the murders.

OK this film is a boring and terribly written film. The possession starts with a mistake, the writer/director says a book is found which unleashes the evil spirit but then why is Tom Possessed before he finds the book?

The movie is made up of people explaining the Murray Spirit over and over again with lots of pointless jump scares. As I said earlier I wanted all the posh and boring friends to die within 5 minutes there was nobody I felt connected to or wanted to survive, Paris Hilton was only in this film to bring a name to the project and to die first.

If I want to watch a group of friends on Holiday get killed I'll watch the Original April Fools Day, it was more interesting and scary for the right reasons, and it had Tom F Wilson (Biff Tannan).

That’s my thoughts on this film and now I just have to get rid of it.

GROUND ZERO: DEADLY WAVE (2008)

Movie & TV Mistress here again.

I recently watched a film called Ground Zero: Deadly Wave on SyFy channel, if you try to look this up online the movie comes up as Polar Opposites or Deadly Shift; another one of those made for SyFy movies with multiple titles.

I was in the mood for a dodgy sci fi film and SyFy with it's silly name never seems to let me down, in the middle of the night they aired this film and it stars Charles Shaughnessy from The Nanny and Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire it also has Tracy Nelson aka Stevie from The Father Dowling Mysteries and other familiar faces from TV and movies.

The premise is that a nuclear bomb is exploded in Iran and this sets off a series of Earthquakes and the end of the world by shifting the magnetic poles of the Earth.

So we get the typical bad CGI effects to show the explosions and Earthquakes at the start of the film and that's it really, this surprised me after seeing films like mega-shark and Octoshark which relied so heavily on CGI.

But on with the film. Charles's character is a scientist called David Terran who published a book about his theory of shifting poles, how that also assisted in the death of the dinosaurs and how it may happen again. He was shunned by the scientific community for these theories and has left his wife and lives in the middle of nowhere with his father. His old friend and brother In law, Martin, is also a scientist who observes the atmosphere and satellites. He is the first to witness the effects of the underground nuclear explosion on the atmosphere, with the increase of radiation around the world.

David's ex wife, Jenna, is a doctor working in a chemotherapy clinic, all her patients who have finished chemotherapy and are in remission start falling ill with symptoms like radiation poisoning.

While these three sub-plots are going on we see the white house situation room and government officials trying to work out what they should do in relation to the nuclear bomb test in Iran, as usual in films the government wants to shoot then ask questions, but thanks to the rise in radiation noticed by Martin they delay this and investigate how this might affect there decision. They go to see Martin, he tells them that David knows more about this issue. David has already worked out what’s happening without computers and high tech gear when General Railen and Martin arrive and explains that there are multiple magnetic fields which leads to the poles shift and the Earth will flip over meaning the end of Mankind.

David has resigned himself to dying and that the world will end, when Martin arrives with the general but after some discussion and apologies from Martin they decide to be with Jenna as the world ends. The general does not want to give up on saving the world, but with the satellites down the mobiles and internet are no longer working so she can't contact the president. On the way to Jenna's Clinic they go to Martin's lab which has been destroyed by more Earthquakes, they discover the Earth is trying to stabilise itself but if the American government deploys another bomb to Iran the world will not be able to fix itself.

Everybody gets to Jenna's clinic, there they discover a way of contacting the president situation room with the information and prevent the planed attack on Iran and the world is saved by doing nothing.

I was actually surprised and slightly disappointed because this film wasn't as bad as I had expected, It has likeable characters and good performances from the actors and very little SFX. The let down of the film is the lack of perspective, which though different from other disaster films, it only relies on America being affected by this disaster and to save the world. In a big budget movie like this you would see the rest of the world being affected, if not real it would be on the news but there is never any mention of it. The science in the story seems to make sense, but I think that shows good writing or good acting.

I would not tell people to go out of their way to watch this film but I would say it is one of the better made and performed films shown on the SyFy channel. Hopefully the next film I watch on SyFy will be one of those bad ones I was expecting, but maybe I should stick to watching the Horror channel where I can guarantee a bad film or two.

CRIME TRAVELLER (1997)

Movie and TV Mistress is back.

This review as you can tell by the title is about the very short lived TV series from the BBC called Crime Traveller, it was a detective show which used time travel to solve the cases. The show ran for 1 series in 1997, which was 8 episodes long; due to a new Head of Drama at the BBC the show was not renewed as expected by the cast and crew.

The show focus's on Jeff Slade a CID Detective and the science officer Holly Turner, who work together to solve crimes with Holly's Time Machine. They work under Kate Grisham, with officers Morris and Nicky who'll I discuss later.

Holly's father built a Time Machine in the living room of his flat, think TARDIS Console room with out the bigger on the inside joke. Her father became lost in Time when he did not get back to the machine in time. She has continued to work on the machine and his research in her spear time, while working for the police. She is played By Chloe Annett who famously plays Kristine Kochanski in Red Dwarf.

Holly has worked out several rules of Time Travel, which she continuously explains though out the series, they are:

1. You cannot travel back more then once as you cannot exist in more then two time frames.
2. You cannot change anything in the past, as anything you do when time travelling has already happened.
3. You cannot meet yourself it would create a paradox.
4. You cannot travel to the future, it's not possible to travel to something that hasn't happened.
5. You must get back to the machine before you originally left or you will be stuck in a loop of Infinity.
6. Holly cannot control the length of time the machine will take you back.

The creator Anthony Horowitz does a good job of sticking to these rules but does bend a couple of them as the series progresses, which makes me wonder about what the future could have held in a second series.

Jeff Slade or SLADE! As he is constantly called/shouted, is the best cop in the team played by Michael French who was best known as David Wicks in Eastenders at the time but now as Nick Jordan in Holby City. He is manipulative and very smart, but won't give up on changing the past.

Kate Grisham is in charge, but I get the impression her character is like the stereotypical chief's who are their to just shout at the hero's. She was played by Sue Johnston, she was in Brookside but is most famous for playing Barbara in The Royle Family.

Nicky is fresh out of the academy, posh, very smart, a 1997 walking wikipedia played by Richard Dempsey who I knew growing up as Peter in the BBC kids series The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe. His character reminds me of Timothy McGee from NCIS but with out a computer or decent mobile phone.

Lastly the CID team has Morris, he is slow and well comes off as being unable to read or do anything, that said he does work out that at times there are two Slade’s running about. He was played by Paul Trussell who has had bit parts in lots of TV shows and a few British films such as Secrets & Lies.

I remember watching the series when it originally aired in 1997, it felt like this might be the show to finally fill the gap left after the BBC cancelled Doctor Who, but with the bad reception of the Doctor Who Movie the previous year I didn't know what to expect. The series quickly established the characters and how the Time machine would fit into the classic detective show in the first episode and I was hooked every Saturday night. Incidentally in the sixth episode there is an appearance of the Doctor Who Police Box, which was a lovely homage.

It is obvious from the opening music and the style of the show that it is a classic British detective series, the theme sounds like that of Poirot, which creator Anthony Horowitz wrote for and the plots are classics which aren't hard to work out it you have watched any detective shows in your life. That said I feel that it was the characters of Holly and Slade that kept me coming back and I wanted to see if Slade would ever be able to change the past.

Each show would usually start showing the murder/crime and then CID would turn up and try to solve it without any real forensic work done; that’s the one thing that I noticed re-watching the series, with shows like CSI and NCIS and even shows of the time like The Bill, you would expect them to finger print places. Finger prints are mentioned once when Holly's print is found on the glass that her aunt drank from, and by Slade in the first episode when he says to wipe their prints from the room. But what about the rest of their prints left at crime scenes before they arrived and Slade’s own blood left, if the show was set today I think they might be arrested as possible serial killers, just a thought.

Sadly the show does looked dated and it's not the clothes or the hair styles, it's the computers in the station the fact they use huge walkie talkies on sting operations which really stand out and that the one time we see a Mobile phone its bright yellow and has a large aerial, at least it wasn't a brick. I do have to admit that it does seem pointless to get annoyed about these minor issues in a show where they use time travel to solve cases.

I admit I have a soft spot for this show as I am a Time Travel fan, but the time travel doesn't change what the series really was, which was a classic detective series in mould of shows like Poirot, Murder She Wrote, Diagnosis Murder and many others. The series is a cult classic now, which I feel belongs with shows like Manimal, Automan, The 1975 Invisible Man and other short lived Sci Fi Detective shows, why do these shows end so quickly while we still have CSI: Miami?

Well till next time...

SPACED INVADERS (1990)

Hi everybody, it's me again. I know it's been a while, but I've been busy moving back to the UK from Canada and sorting out all the government forms I need to do, so I can live in my home country.

Well on with another cult classic movie from my childhood SPACED INVADERS.

SPACED INVADERS came out in 1990 it is one of the many sci fi comedies of the late 80's and early 90's like RETURN OF THE KILLER TOMATOS, TREMORS and those CRITTERS films. OK CRITTERS was a serious... I can't finish that without laughing.

Anyway back to SPACED INVADERS, the film was written and directed by Patrick Read Johnson, who wrote the DRAGONHEART films and Directed BABY'S DAY OUT, some may say he went up in the world but I think that's debatable. The film stars a young girl who you will recognise from JURASSIC PARK and TREMORS Ariana Richards, she is dressed up as an Alien from ALIEN which makes me wonder if she went for the part of Newt in ALIENS. Her father in the film is the new town sheriff performed by Douglas Barr, Who I grew up watching in the great 80's TV show THE FALL GUY with Lee Majors. But the real stars of the film are the Martians and a little scout robot.

The movie starts with classic space model shots and then we get the opening exposition by a masked alien telling 5 other masked aliens how bad they are and that they are being sent to the asteroid field and are being given an enforcer drone to make sure they follow the instructions. The drone looks just like the shout at the start of EMPIRE STRIKES BACK.

Next we are in Big Bean Illinois and are introduced to a dying small town and a new sheriff being held at gun point by an angry farmer, after another bit of exposition we know that a farmer is going to loose his land. Then it's back to space to see what’s happening with the Martians they are about to collide with a sun and the enforcer drone just wants to fight, there is an explosion and it's back to earth and the introduction of Ariana as the sheriff's daughter who is not happy to be in a small town after LA and is getting ready for Halloween.

And at 10 minutes into the film it's hard to know exactly what to make of the story, but don't worry the inciting incident is about to arrive thanks to a radio station deciding to play Orson Welles audio drama of WAR OF THE WORLDS; which was famous for causing panic in America. Now if you know anything about radio waves and sound you know it takes years for it to travel though space, but this is a movie and well it is instantaneous and a small Martian crew who are trying to find the rest of the Martian fleet mistake the radio transmission for real news like the people over 50 years ago did and so they decide to head to Earth.

So the Martians crash land in the angry farmers barn, reminds me of the start of BACK TO THE FUTURE. The Martians take of their masks and we are introduced animatronic big heads with antennas aliens. The pilot sounds like Jack Nicholson and the weapons officer sounds like Cary Grant and the science officer sounds like Dr Strange Love and Pez who wears a red coat sounds like Howard the duck and thinks he is going to die, their captain walks into a road and is hit by a car.

Ariana is at a Halloween party and feeling like and outsider but makes friends with a boy I will call ducky, because he is dressed like a duck for most of the film. Three of the aliens join the Halloween party because the adults think they are kids in costume. Ariana finds their tiny scout robot and works out their real aliens, meanwhile the captain after being scraped off the front of a truck wakes up and makes the attendant into his slave.

The Parent looking after the trick or treating kids kicks out the Martians, ducky and Ariana, and drives off, sure Ariana says she sees her dads car coming but the lady doesn't even wait to make sure the kids are safe and this is why kids go missing.

There are jokes like a deputy sheriff giving the Martian pilot a speeding ticket for going 3000mile per hour, not having plates, lights and wheels while the farmers dog puts new film in the camera for him. And now 40 minutes in the pilot and drone knows the broadcast was not real as it has ended and the sheriff knows Aliens have landed.

With the second act started the Enforcement drone goes after the crew to kill them for this mistake, the towns people are told about the aliens and the sheriff calls them intelligent which the Jack Nicholson one laughs at cause he's the smartest in their crew. While this is happening the captain and his slave are building a giant robot to attack the town.

The aliens destroy a new off ramp for the town and fire a laser at a farm silo and heating up and creating Pop Corn. While Ariana and the small robot team up, ducky and Jack Martian team up and then the three other aliens find out about the ending to WAR OF THE WORLDS and start to panic about germs. The crew get back together and face off against the towns folk by strapping themselves into the D.O.D (Donut Of Destruction) and like so much about this crew the D.O.D doesn't work.

I have to admit as it enters the third act that when describing this film it does seem to be too busy and complicated story and I could point out continuity issues, but I like this movie too much.

At this point the team want to return to space but their ship is broke so with the help of the two kids and the farmer they try to fix it, while the captains slave finishes the Farmzoid which is like a Godzilla size farm equipment to distract the town while the ship heads back to the farm so that the farmer can use the TNT to help the ship lift off.

But just before they can do this the drone turns up again to kill the crew, however while the crew have been fixing the ship it has been counting down to destruction; Ariana explains that if Earth is destroyed that Mars will fall out of orbit and will be destroyed, so the drone agrees to let them get back into space. However, we get the usual evil genius monologue from the drone and the farmer tricks it into holding a lit stick of TNT, blowing up, they help the Martians get back to space.

But because the ship is still too heavy to make it out of the atmosphere they have to lighten the load and so flush the toilet sprinkling green stuff over the farmers field. The next morning the farmer is about to have his farm taken by the bank but thanks to the Alien manure he has giant pea pods.

As I said before I saw this as a child and that I actually like it, the reason being I love Sci Fi movies and Spoofs and this is an excellent spoof, it has so many classic and Sci fi movie references to mention and it never takes it's self seriously which is why it still makes me laugh. Sure the special effects aren't perfect but at least you can see the stuff was real and done in camera rather then on a computer.

I know that Simon Pegg and Nick Frost's PAUL was Influenced by classic 70's and 80's Alien films but I think the character of PAUL has some traits similar to the Jack Nicholson Martian and I could see Hollywood remaking it with motion capture of something for the aliens, but I don't know if this film could be improved upon.

I say if you haven't seen it and you like films like RETURN OF THE KILLER TOMATOS or HOCUS POCAS check this out it's just silly fun.

Kate & Leopold (2001)

Movie and TV Mistress here again with another film review.

This time reviewing a Romantic Comedy with time travel elements staring Meg Ryan and Hugh Jackman, yes that’s right Wolverine romancing Meg Ryan; if he gets his shirt off what woman could resist.

This is a film which I and many people I know have found and enjoyed on DVD, I don't even remember this coming out at cinemas.

This movie is a romantic time travel story. Leopold is the Duke of Albany in 1876, while Kate is a modern 2001 girl working in market research. Kate's Ex Boyfriend Stuart, who is also a descendant of Leopold, has time travelled back to 1876 and is played by Liev Schreiber; yet again Hugh Jackman and Liev Schreiber are related.

The movie starts in 1876 at the opening of the Brooklyn Bridge and we have the reason my brother liked this film, the man opening the bridge refers to the structure as an erection and not just once this is a joke repeated throughout the film. So Leopold is their drawing the bridge and he notices Stuart because he is laughing at the word erection and is not used to the old camera flashes so Leo follows Stuart but looses him then goes home to prepare for a party where he has to choose his wife and Stuart turns up there, so Leo chases him back to the bridge and they both fall off the top and they are both brought forward in time to 2001, then we have your classic romantic Meg Ryan film.

The classic formula of romcom's, boy and girl meet they hate each other, they become friends fall in love, then are separated and find each other in the last moments of the film, there is no real deviation from that and if you were paying close attention at the start of the film you will know what happens at the end.

At the first introduction of Meg Ryan at the start of this movie they take a direct jab at her, let me explain. Meg Ryan was married to Dennis Quaid since the 80's and in 2000 the movie Proof Of Life was released with her and Russell Crowe, whom she had an affair with on set, Dennis and Meg divorced, which lead to the public no longer liking her; this may also explain why this did not get a big release like many of Meg's earlier romcom's. Meg Ryan's character and Market research team are doing a preview screening of a bad romcom, she is talking with her team about the actress and they claim she is unlikeable, this is when the actual director James Mangold interjects and says directly to Meg “What you haven't made a mistake in your life you have no flaws, you never slept with the wrong guy?” to which she replies “I'm not the protagonist in a major motion picture.” This is actually an added scene that is only available in the directors cut.

So Kate is a hard business woman who has become cynical about love, while her assistant is all about romance; there is not much to say about her character, its a tested and true character for a romcom.

Hugh Jackman on the other hand shows his sensitive side which is not often shown in films like X-Men and Van Helsing, we see him with a classic British accent and wearing a sort of Mr Darcy outfit for most of the movie, He is romantic and a perfect gentleman what any woman would fall in love with. Leopold is a Duke who does his duty even though he wants to just be an inventor and is amazed by the many new inventions of his time and present day, There are some running jokes in the film such as, such as he is the inventor of the Elevator and named it after his butler Otis and when he is not in the past to invent them they all disappear in 2001.

So they meet because Stuart is Kate’s ex boyfriend who lives in the apartment above her and she still has issues with Stuart, but he is quickly removed from the scene by him falling down an elevator shaft and being sent to hospital and then the mental ward because he claims to be able to time travel by jumping off the top of the Brooklyn Bridge. So as I stated before the film follows the classic arc of a Romcom and ends with Kate taking a leap off the bridge to be with Leopold in 1876.

The movie ignores the fact that Kate dated Stuart who is her own descendant and like Back to the Future the incest story is forgotten because it's time travel and we don't see anything actually happen between Stuart and Kate.

This movie is a well written film with well written characters, including the supporting characters like Breckin Meyer playing Kate’s Brother, also the time travel element makes more sense, then in the film Somewhere In Time. Meg Ryan has done so many of this type of movie, that there is nothing new for her to bring to it, that does not mean she is bad in it, both her and Hugh have a great chemistry and the movie works well, it's a funny romcom just for Hugh Jackman's performance; which is why if you haven't seen it I recommend that you check it out.

RUNAWAY (1984)

Welcome to another Movie and TV Mistress review of a cult classic.

This time I'm looking at Runaway a 1984 film staring Tom Selleck and Gene Simmons, yes that’s Magnum PI Vs. the Demon from KISS.

I saw this film as a child and was terrified of the acid spiting robotic spiders in the film (yeah you read that right), for years I didn't know what this was called, I figured it had to have robotic spiders in the title; well I found out the actual title was Runaway, which refers to robots that malfunction, they are called Runaways by the specialized police department that deal with them.  If you watch Community you will have heard of this movie in the episode where the gang watch Kick Puncher as they planed to watch this and they mention the deadly killer spider robots. 

The film is written and directed by Michael Crichton, he is a great writer of sci fi and many of the films he wrote are classics, some are even being remade.  As a director he has made cult classics such as Westworld and Coma nothing as successful as Jurassic Park though.

The film opens with the required 80's computer/robotic music over the opening credits, I swear I've heard this music at the start of another 80's sci fi film. 

During the credits we see footage of Tom Selleck working on 80's computers and circuit boards with his stereo typical black partner called Marvin who I guess is retiring and Tom has a new partner and its a girl who's moving from traffic to computers and robots; yeah cause that’s an obvious move in the force I'm sure they do that all the time, you know a traffic warden just moves to autopsy when they request it.

Anyway they go on a mission to get a runaway agriculture robot on a farm and we find out Tom is afraid of heights, He seemed OK in Magnum PI and Three Men and a Baby. well the girl runs of picks up the robot and gets an electric shock, that'll teach her to be a stupid blond women in a Sci Fi movie.  They shoot the robot and the girl gets covered in dirt from the explosion and the farmers complain that they could have done that themselves.

New partner asks Marvin why Jack (Tom) left the regular force and we get a story about having a criminal get away cause Jack couldn't chase him up a building you know the type of story that foreshadows events that will take place in the third act.  Marvin asks the girl why she's a cop and she says she wanted to be a dancer but hurt her knee then a programmer but hated sitting all day then a nurse and then Police academy wow indecisive or what, make your mind up.

All of a sudden we get the first glimpse of the scary side of robots, a robot has killed two people and a baby is in the house and the robot might kill it next, they send in a flying camera they call a floater it is shot down by the runaway robot, so Jack goes in to the house in a special suit and we have our first image of the evil looking Gene Simmons who looks very tanned.

Jack gets into the house and the press follow even though he's told them to stop filming and the home owner has said the same thing, yes the press never change; the robot shoots the camera guy, it doesn’t like the media either.  The robot shoots 3 more times very close to Jacks head and then Jack shoots it with his laser and turns it off and saves the baby. 

Jack goes home with his partner and the Navigator from Flight of the Navigator is his son, oh boy he is so more annoying then he was in that film, also they have a family robot, which looks like an 80's stereo on wheels.  Bobby (the Navigator) is very curious about what his dad saw and if his dad's partner could be his new mum and if Lois the family robot could go crazy.

They examine the robot that went nuts and there is a non standard micro chip that explodes like mission impossible instructions and Lt. Thaddeus Harris from Police Academy laughs and calls them idiots.  Jack and his partner get called out to another runaway and this one is on a building site time for Tom to deal with his fear of heights, or not cause his partner can do it, besides she's work construction at some point. and yes a woman can flick a switch and turn a robot off, who knew.

They go back to the crime scene from the night before checking evidence and watch the door recorder, basically a camera answering machine for your front door.  Well wouldn't you know it Gene Simmons is the third caller (it's always the third caller or message on machines that’s important in movies.) and he claims to work for Acme Robot repairs (enter your own Looney Tune joke here), the rest of the message has been erased; for a master criminal you'd think he could erase the whole tape, it would only take a magnet as they are classic VHS tapes, I’m just saying.

Well now they know who the bad guy is, meanwhile we see him examining the chips, and we hear his name is Dr Luther and he is buying the non standard chips from the friend of Mr Johnson the guy whose robot attacked his family and well Dr Luther disappears and the guy opens a case of money to find it's just news paper and we get the first of many acid spitting robot spiders that haunted my nightmares as a child. and he is killed the robot also explodes after it kills him setting him on fire.  Mr Johnson see this and runs off.

Jack and his partner are looking for Mr Johnson and find him right away in the next scene at a hotel after a guy at a hot dog stand tells then, as they walk away Dr Luther walks up to the stand, Mr Johnson is not good at going off grid.  Now my next reference will be from a Michael J Fox movie, Mr Johnson runs off and Dr Luther pulls out  "A star Wars looking gun" and fires it form about two blocks away the bullets are heat seeking missile and Jack is chased around by a POV of the bullet like a certain Ash character in the woods, it then remembers it is actually after Mr Johnson and finds him climbing a ladder and hits him.

The next scene has the funniest robot in the film a hoover/Vacuum that is acting as a sniffing dog on the bullet.  They head to Mr Johnson's work Vectrocom, where Indiana's friend and Short Round's dad is a security guard who helps then access Mr Johnson's staff files, but before we can find out anything of importance there is a runaway in the building and Kirstie Alley is being shocked by a security robot.  Jack goes in with out safety gear because Kirstie is attractive, he says it and his partner says he's in love.  He smashes the robot to bits to show how manly he is in front of Kirstie who has all the other micro chips and she spills her guts very quickly to him about Dr Luther and where he is.

The cops are staking out his hotel room and Jack goes in when Luther's girl is asking about her purse, this is when you know a guy directed this scene. Because women do not wrap a towel around their waists, I know this was just so he could have the 80's gratuitous tit shot but please stop it we don't do that, like we don't pillow fight in our lacy bra and panties.

I don't know how Gene does it but he makes a floater come down from the ceiling and gas everybody grabs his gun and a hooker and escapes, does he have mind control of all robots because of the chips or something?  Blond cop is shot and we have some vertigo style shots when Jack looks down the stairs of the tall hotel.  The bullet in the blond cops arm is unexploded and needs to be removed and Jack doesn't trust any robot to do it without blowing her arm off, so he does it himself, what follows reminds me of a level on Trauma Centre on the Wii.  He gets it out and she is safe he then invites her to his for dinner and you know she is expecting something more then what he is offering.  Bobby tells his dad off for swearing on TV and they have a giggle.

Marvin cuts open and examines the bullet and discover it is a heat seeking missile and they explain the reason it only goes after certain people is because we all have different heat signatures, OK lets say it does, but if your running, surly your heat pattern would change, wouldn't it.  next Jack has a psychic look at the bullet and she says that Luther and Jack are brothers in a different life and that they will meet very soon.  Luther calls Jack and can see everything he is doing and say he will not be able to trace the call because he is calling from a mobile phone. Oh the days when cops couldn't trace them and you had to carry a car battery to power the mobile phone, yes it was so mobile you couldn't even put in in a bag or hang it on your belt.

Luther wants his girl, Kirstie and they need to move her but first they debug her which means she has to strip. so they drive off in two police cars and Luther has some goons follow them who have a car which they can open the bottom of and drop a remote control car bomb and Jacks partner uses the laser on top of her car to shoot them but there are too many of them, but they survive when they throw out Kirsties purse.  Jack goes to meet Luther in person, Jack has his girl and Luther has his partner so they have to do a trade then Luther stabs Kirstie in the back and fires his crazy gun at Jack so he can escape.

Jack was able to plant a bug in the Templates of the micro chips that Luthor got, but he's to smart for that and its time for another robot kill, yes the scary robot spider crawls up the wall and drops on the cop stabs her and blows up killing 2 cops.  Luthor dressed as a cop and with a glass eyeball checks Jack's profile and finds out about his son.

Yes it's time for the classic third act, bad guy holds loved one hostage and Jack goes after him alone. It's finally time for Jack to face his fear of heights and save his son, Jack and Luther confront each other at the top of construction site and Jack promises to give the rest of the templates to Luther once his son is safely to the ground, once Bobby is on the lift heading down Luther says his spider robots will kill the first person out of the elevator, and it can't be stopped just as it arrives on the ground Jacks partner arrives and saves Bobby. Luther shoots at Jack who ends up in a lift that won't go down, instead it goes right to the top.

The elevator is broke and needs to be reset from underneath but those damn spider robots start attacking Jack and spraying acid at him he climbs out side the open elevator and knocks one spider robot off which explodes the other one stabs his hand and he falls, luckily he grabs the bottom of the lift resets it and now it's going down but he needs to get into the lift before it reaches the bottom.  As he goes down it stops at the floor with Luther and they fight in the elevator, Jack kicks him off before they reach the bottom and the spider robots attack and kill him.  

Everybody is safe Jack checks Luther's body who gives us the classic jump scare and then the spiders explode.  Jacks partner invites him to dinner and they kiss which seemed unnecessary but hay it's a boy and girl and there needs to be sexual tension,  he credits roll over them kissing under the sparks of the construction site next to a dead body.  All I’m thinking is your son was kidnapped, you might want to check on him and leave the crime scene just a thought.

I have to give it to Michael Crichton at least when dealing with the future he makes it seem like an extension of current technology and not make it unbelievable, every thing in the film though obviously 80's was actually possible, some robots seemed like 80's versions of ones you might have seen in 50's movies.  Gene Simmons is good as the Bad guy Over the top like all bad guys should be, it makes them more fun.  Tom Selleck is his usual subdued self but it works he is a single father who deals with robots, why wouldn't he quite and shy.  I've seen this movie many times since I was a kid and those spider robots still scare me and the jump scare at the end by Gene still works and I jump every time.

The film feels a bit like a John Badham or Lethal Weapon type story with Sci Fi elements it follows the same arc of the buddy cop movie, however, it being from Michael Crichton I feel like there was something more like this was a novel and a lot of the villains story was removed, like why did he have the chips made and what were they for, this is mentioned in passing but not really explored, apart from that this is a fun film with some funny dated robotics.  I say check it out and if your not scared of the killer spiders, I wonder what does scare you.

Horror Remakes Show Too Much!

Today I am talking about the remakes of American Horror films and how they have ruined the killers by showing too much.

Even though I know not to expect much from remakes I still go and see them, I guess I’m a gluten for punishment.  When I see remade horror films, the one thing I've noticed is that they go into too much unnecessary details about the creatures or entity disturbing the victims.

One of the reasons I can't stand the shot for shot remake of PSYCHO, other then Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates, is the unnecessary sound effects added to the film; for example the seen where Norman spies on Marion, a sound effect of Norman playing with himself was added, what this did was make the audience laugh and the film was no longer able to scare anyone when I saw it.  Hitchcock did not require this sound effect and anybody who watched the original understands what he was thinking when he spied on her plus the mother part of his personality made it quite clear too so why add the sound effect.

Some of the more recent Horror remakes by Platinum Dunes have chosen to look more closely at the killers or monsters which has ruined them.  I grew up with Mike Myers as a terrifying figure who would not die and just kept coming, sadly the remake decided to focus on his character and find a reason he was like that, which made him just another serial killer; the same is true of the remakes and prequels of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, A Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th.

I do appreciate that the film makers were trying to re-imagine the original source material, but unfortunately, by exploring the killer/monster's motivation just destroyed what made them scary in the first place. 

I am still scared of Robert Englund's Freddy and the first movie, I find it hard to watch it without taking breaks to calm down from the scares.  However, when I saw the remake I liked that it looked at Freddy's birth as the monster we know but they then went over the top with the Paedophile back ground, we knew that character was a paedophile and we did not need to ever see him make the victims dress in kids cloths and feel them up this again just made him laughable which was more reminiscent of the later Nightmare on Elm Street movies which were more black comedies then horror films. 

I must admit that there are some horror remakes that I have enjoyed, such as My Bloody Valentine & Amityville Horror which have in my opinion done a good job of re-imagining the original premise and making it work for a new generation.  I could go into so much depth about each horror remake that shows too much about the villains but it would be a very long blog, I may come back to this issue again in the future.

Thanks for reading from your Movie and TV Mistress

GLORY DAZE on E4

Movie and TV Mistress series review.

So here is a review of a new TV show which has already been cancelled in the States after only 10 episodes.  Glory Daze is set in 1986 at Hayes University in Indiana and is about a group of Freshman guys who join the Omega Sigma fraternity.

The show starts very strongly with good casting and no over the top outfits or hair like other films and shows that are set in the 80's have done in the past.  We follow five freshman going to mixers at the fraternities at the University so they can decide which they should join.

We have the Asian Computer Geek called Alex Chang he rarely turns up after the first episode as he joins the Asian fraternity because it parties all the time in secret, but he couldn't take it and quit and did not join Omega Sigma. Next we have the young Republican of the group called Jason Wilson he failed to get accepted to his fathers Alma Mmata the Zheta Rho, then their is the Jock called Brian Sommers basically Capitan Awesome, he rarely has his shirt on but he is very intelligent. Then we have the desperate virgin called Eli Feldman, he's small and wants to be the big man on campus and does the craziest things in the show.  Finally we have the heart of the group who we follow called Joel Harrington, he the nice guy in pre med who falls in love with a girl who just happens to be dating the leader of the Omega Sigma called Damon.

If you have seen films like Animal House, Revenge of the Nerds and any other film about university fraternities then you already know these characters and plots, they could have called this show Animal House the TV series, because it is basically the misadventures from that classic John Landis film played out in 46 minute episodes, I know this sounds like I think this is a bad series, it isn't the worst out there, it tries hard and has some great humour, and a lot of referential humour that only people in their 30's or those who have watched a lot of 80's TV and Movies would get.  

I knew when I watched the Pilot back in November that this show was unlikely to get a second series, because I liked it. You see I have this unfortunate knack of liking a show from the start that are doomed, some say it's because I like bad shows, but anyone who has watched Studio 60 knows that was a great show which again I loved from the start.  It appears that the shows which are successful and get picked up are the ones that it takes me a few episodes to get into, this is not always the case but I'd love to know why shows like Two and a Half Men, Everybody Loves Raymond, King of Queens and Lost stayed on the air for as long as they did. (I did watch all of Lost but I still think that Invasion was a better show and deserved a second series more then Lost deserved 6)

But back to Glory Daze the show is actually a well made and feels like a love letter to the 80's and the films of that decade, when I watched the Pilot it felt like it was from the 80's it was better then the short lived That 80's Show, I also think it spoofs films like Top Gun just as well as Hot Shots did.

The other reasons I think this series failed in the states are that there is already an excellent collage comedy show called Community which is more diverse and spoofs classic films all the time,  also we only follow four white guys we don't know much about the girls or find out what female fraternities are like, perhaps it was to similar to the shows of the 80's which we have moved away from.

Even though the show is only 10 episodes long I do recommend that you watch it, because it is a very well written 80's comedy and especially if you enjoyed the College films of the 80's and Hot Tube Time Machine.  I would go on but I really don't want to spoil the series for all the UK E4 viewers when it starts tonight, so give the show a chance, besides it's only 10 episodes.

Race Against Time (2000)

Movie and TV Mistress here,

So I have a bit of a soft spot for some of the better known B Movie actors such as Bruce Campbell, Jeffrey Combs, Eric Roberts, Chris Sarandon and Cary Elwes. When I was looking though the many straight to video movies that Cary Elwes has done, I came across a movie with the last 3 in it and no I don't mean The Princess Bride, I mean a movie called Race Against Time.

Race Against Time was a made for TV movie about what if the US Supreme Court decided in 2008 that suicide was not criminal stating that each individual “The sole keeper of their own body, with the right to do with it whatsoever he or she see fit.” basically it is our choice to live and die. The movie starts with a guy being chased by what I can only describe as stormtroopers of 2018, I’m reminded of Mick Jagers Freejack type characters. The guy is surrounded tasered and put in a body bag and put in the back of an ambulance after Cary turns up and inflates the bag, I assume the bag is full of liquid nitrogen or something that freezes quickly.

So the actual plot is that Eric Roberts character has a son who is very sick and Eric works in construction and he claims to never get sick. We have some really bad blue screen and a rookie is made to go out on a beam which he falls off, and oh my god Eric Roberts is just Awesome, he gets tied off and saves the rookie by diving off after him and then he falls lands on a safety basket and Johnny who was attached to the other end of Eric's rope falls off and Eric nearly looses him every one is safe because Eric is that amazing. You would think they could make construction safer by 2018.

Eric visits his son and gives him "Gamer Goggles 256gb of gaming power because reality has no reset button" LOL

So there is a company called Lifecorp, kind of like medicare I guess, hmm Lifecorp don't sound evil in anyway nothing with corp in the name could ever be evil right.

Eric's Son has Ralph virus which Lifecorp apparently whipped out years ago and Eric has to settle his bills with Lifecorp before they will administer the vaccine. Hmm Ralph Virus is it called that cause it makes you Ralph?  So Eric goes to Lifecorp and meets Cary in the elevator and who say “I wouldn't.” what I'm not sure but I guess it is something to do with him never getting sick, Chris Sarandon loves the greatness of Eric’s body and health and Eric signs an agreement that he has one year and then they come for him and carve him up for parts, he is given the money he needs for his son and a lovely electric bracelet.

He gets to the hospital with the money and wouldn't you know it he's too late, the doctor says he is dead and that the body had to be destroyed. I suspect that he isn't dead and will turn up in the last act and that Lifecorp had him the whole time. Eric tries to give the money back and they won't take it, because he signed the agreement. Chris Sarandon says he has to get an early retrieval order on Eric as he is dangerous for the company and has chucked all the money into the lobby of the Lifecorp building, a judge is forced to agree with Lifecorp.

Eric gets drunk but isn't weeping like I've seen him in other movies, come on your son just died, Cary turns up kills Eric’s friend and goes after Eric with those stormtroopers and Cary like Logan before him says "They always run." 

Love interest of the movie has tuned up, I know this cause she was Jack Bauer’s and John Smiths Love interest for a season on 24 and Dead Zone respectively. OK I could be wrong she is a female bounty hunter called Alex for Lifecorp but as Al said in an episode of Quantum Leap “There are five stages of love, the first denial, second is sex, then there's acceptance, then is divorce and then there's sex, if your lucky...it's a theory of mine and a darn good one!”

Eric saved Alex's life and so now she is his bodyguard, meanwhile the doctor that treated his son is filing the report on his son's death and says he had a high white cell count which was inconsistent with the virus.

This film to me is so funny the Dread Pirate Roberts is being bossed around by Prince Humperdink and all I keep thinking of is the pain speech.

I'm not saying this film is predictable, OK I am, I haven't seen this before, but the story isn't new and I can see what’s going to happen next a mile off; lets put it this way Eric is Sarah Conner, Alex is Kyle Reece and Cary Elwes is the Terminator and will probably come round to helping Eric by the end and kill Chris Sarandon. That is my prediction at 43 minutes into the film.

We have some Blade Runner, Running Man and Freejack future screens on city buildings, and Eric gets the Doctor to remove the implant put in Eric when he was being check by Lifecorp and the guy who put it in Eric calls the guards and Eric grabs him and puts the implant down his mouth and so the stormtroopers take that guy instead, considering all the big pictures of Eric on the city buildings you would think they could tell the Lifecorp guy wasn't him.

Alex takes them back to her place to get her money, yes when hiding your money hide it a boom-box you have to smash to get at it. Dun dun dun Cary is in her apartment, well he has been seeing Alex and Eric is now wearing one of his jackets. Eric turns up and threatens to shoot Cary but trackers turn up so he has to get going and he chucks the jacket cause it belonged to Cary.

Oh Wow Alex and Eric are in bed and cold hmm I wonder where this is leading...yes stage 2 of love Sex, oh no girl got shot down by Eric wow guess your not his type. Next morning and Eric's pictures are not on the buildings, but he keeps seeing pictures of his son. Eric decides his son's alive and that he doesn't need a plan to get him back and he faces off with the stormtroopers and delivers a cheesy line “If you thought this was over think again.”

Meanwhile the doctor that treated his son has figured out that the medical results of Eric’s son were faked and has been called into Lifecorp he shares his findings with Chris' second in command. They confront Chris about what he did and he admits it and he is told the board have fired him, he ignores this and he fires to doctor so Cary shoots him, he then gives the order to the stormtroopers to get Eric and shoot to kill after Chris said both Eric and his son's blood could double life expectancy, and they don't need Eric, so If they didn't need Eric and they had his son what was the point of the chase?

Eric and Alex crash into Lifecorp and avoid getting caught by the stormtroopers and mess with the elevators, they find a load of kids on the 78^th floor, he gets Alex to take care of the kids, cause well he has to go to the top floor and confront the bad guys and get his son back, I wonder will this have the Last Action Hero Slater's son moment?

OK prediction about Carey's character was wrong we have him fighting Eric on a moving elevator, well bad blue screen CGI elevators, but apart from that is is actually a well filmed fight cause I can see what’s happening not like some action movies. Cary falls to what we think is his death but he can't be killed, he lands in the elevator Alex is in and they fight it out, and he gets electrocuted but no still not dead, so he makes her shoot him, he has to be dead now.

Eric sets off a bomb and Alex arrives on 100^th floor in stormtrooper outfit and kills the other stormtroopers while Eric Swings into the building from the roof a bit like John McClane, Alex fights it out with the stormtroopers while Eric finds Chris holding his son with a gun to his head in front of stained glass doors to a balcony and Chris tries to take Eric over the side with him but Eric's son holds his legs and Eric drops Chris and like my mum always points out he lands in the recovery position.

Chris' second in command is now in charge and orders that his body be checked out, Alex joins Eric and son on the balcony and he says “I lied I am afraid of falling.” and she replies “I'll catch you.” I didn't mind that sort of dialogue in Disney's Enchanted but in an action B movie I just barfed a bit. We get some more of that bad CGI that looks like it belongs in a PC game from 2000 and that's the end.

OK so not all my predictions were right, but I was right this movie is predictable but it comes round to being awesome and that is mainly because of the casting of Eric Roberts, Cary Elwes and Chris Sarandon, they are great actors who you can tell have fun with there rolls weather it be villains or good guys they grab you and you want to watch to see what they'll do next. I would pay to see another movie with these guys there chemistry together was brilliant. However that said Alex played by Sarah Wynter is not great she feels like the Kochanski of the group, as my sex and violence in film teacher told us, she is in the film to just be a love interest and to show that the guys are not gay cause they love or have loved her.

So would I recommend this film, in a word yes, it is a hilarious action film you don't see that often any more. the fight scenes are shot in a why that you can see what’s happening which is great, not like in the recent film The Eagle where you can't even tell what the hell your looking at during the fights, it's just close-up and fast cuts; this is the reason I love Martial arts films with Jackie Chan, Sammo Hung, Biao Yuen, Jet Li and many others, because they show the fights the same way Fred Astair and Gene Kelly made sure you could see them dancing from head to toe.

Well like I said if you like B movie action check this film out you won't be disappointed.

Misfits of Science (the forgotton Heroes)

Welcome to another Movie and TV Mistress review.

This weeks review is of the rare and often forgotten super powered show of the 80's Misfits of Science, like many shows about super powers, before and since, it had a short 1 season run. Here's a bit of trivia, a co writer on the show would later go on to create Heroes, yes folks Tim Kring, but that’s not to say he created this and besides his writing credits also include Teen Wolf Too, but I'll review that film another time.

As I child living in Germany in the 80's we only had one British TV channel called SSVC which showed a mix of ITV and BBC programmes, and somehow I got to watch a pilot movie called the Misfits of Science which I really enjoyed as just a movie. However, it wasn't till years later that I found out there was an actual TV series after the film; it didn't last very long only 16 episodes, the 16th episode was never actually aired in America, but thanks to those great Germans it was released on DVD and the UK Sci Fi channel aired all the episodes.

The Misfits of Science are similar to the A-Team and Magnum PI, in this show they help people for free while using some special powers, because we all know the A-Team never really took any money. The team are basically a team of four people, with a couple of unofficial members, it is made of two doctors a rock star and a juvenile delinquent. I know I could quote the breakfast club but I won't.

Dean Paul Martin son of Dean Martin plays Dr Billy Hays who is the leader of the group, a ladies man, who is sometime a little over confident, he has a big heart and usually comes round to helping people, he does whine a lot when he gets captured in episodes and he is the only member without a power.

Dr Elvin Lincoln is played by Kevin Peter Hall who is 7'2.5 Tall he was the Predator in the original movies and also Harry from Big foot and the Hendersons Movie and TV series. Dr Elvin hates being tall and so became a scientist and developed a glandular growth potion which he takes to make himself small which works when he presses a spot on the back of his neck, he shrinks to the size of a Ken doll. He can only be small once an hour and it only last for 14 minutes, the effects work quite well considering the time and budget of a TV show.

Mark Thomas Miller an actor musician plays John Bukowski (Johnny B) who is electrical, can run really fast, he shoots electricity from his hands, if he has too much electricity his eyes glow so he wears sunglasses and he can charge up from the static electricity in the air. He is allergic to water as it cooks him and he tends to be the weapon of the team but he can also weld metal with his power.

Gloria Dinallo played by Courtney Cox from Friends is telekinetic, she kind of reminds me of Jubilee from the X men cartoon or what I think Jubilee should be like in that show. She has a probation officer called Jane and at least she doesn't kill her probation officer like the British Misfits.

Pilot movie is called Deep Freeze and aired in October 1985

The pilot starts with your classic horror opening, lighting and a creepy basement or warehouse, it kind of reminds me of a dusty and rat infested version of Warehouse 13 or area 51 from Indiana Jones. So we are following two guys who are looking for what is draining all the electricity in the building and they find a coffin shaped refrigerator that is open, of course a large frozen man is behind them and shouts Amelia, wonder if he's connected to Amelia Earhart this is all he seems to say thought out this pilot, and they do say he must be upset about the loss of Amelia Earhart. The film then cuts to classic cheesy 80's opening with flash cuts in time to the 80's song Science. But I have to say I do love this song it just makes me smile.

So the intro leads us right to Humanidyne – Science to help the Human condition and taken towards the janitorial department which is where the human investigation team Dr Billy and Dr Elvin are located. The Frozen man has been rushed here in an ambulance and he is making everything freeze we pass a sign saying weird r us and we find out that the refrigerator coffin was built for Howard Hubert in 1935 but they had trouble getting it to work for the billionaire, but Arnold Beifneiter went into it for 50 years and it has given him the power to freeze whatever he touches, he only appears in the pilot because Marvel comics objected to the character as they claimed he was too similar to Bobby Iceman from the X-Men. One Beef as they call him is frozen and if he gets to hot he will die, he has no control over his power, he is closer to Mr freeze from DC.  Bobby the Iceman can freeze water particles in the air and makes his own ice path and can make himself ice but he doesn't die at normal temperature, if anything Marvel should have objected to the Incredibles character Frozone voiced by Samuel L Jackson but since they are now both owned by Disney that would be pointless, OK end of rant.

The film is similar to Ghostbusters in some ways as we have two scientists who the company/collage disapprove of and so they are fired, they even have their own Janine type receptionist who reads out comedy messages throughout the series. The plot is that Humanidyne is working with the military, who in science fiction programmes always seem to be the embodiment of evil. So Humanidyne have made plans for a neutron beam for the military which will bring the cold war to the end by disintegrating whatever it's fired at, so the senators believe it is in the planning stages and that a impenetrable base for it to be kept in is being built but... oh no it's already built and being tested, the doctor who worked on it is now against the device and claims it's dangerous, so Humanidyne put him in a room with Beef and do tests on them both. He somehow gets to a phone in the room and calls Billy to help him so he and Elvin create the Misfits of Science. Johnny B and Gloria don't like Billy after how he treated them when he did tests on them and so don't want to help, but that is quickly brushed under the carpet when they see Elvin's power; because Gloria is a juvenile and on probation her probation officer Jane joins them, she is also Billy's love interest.

So the Misfits of Science are called that because Billy has Basketball uniforms with that team name, so they break into Humanidyne with an ice cream van to rescue the doctor and Beef, they escape and the doctor tells them where the base with the neutron beam is and they go to break in the supposedly impenetrable base. The final battle reminds me of a boss battle from one of those classic commodore 64 games I used to play; you see the team have to get past a swirling tunnel of water which beef freezes Johnny is out of juice so he tries to fake out the soldiers so Gloria has to use her powers to get rid of the soldiers, they send the neutron beam to the top of the mountain the bad guys get to the beam first, put in in a helicopter and use it against the Misfits.  Johnny is getting some juice but not enough for him and Gloria to bring the helicopter down, so it is thanks to Billy's basketball skills with a helmet hitting the helicopter blades that saves the day.

This was a cheesy 80's sci fi film, to me it was like Biggles, this is what I think the film Evolution should have been like, which is funny since both were obviously influenced by The Ghostbusters.

Oh I must point out that Billy and Elvin got their old jobs back by the start of the second episode and they live together in a house on Venice beach and though Beef never returns they still drive the ice cream van and their boss is now played by the dad from ALF

The second episode is called Your Place or Mayan? And starts with the two docs watching a Indiana Jones style TV show while there are cuts to an old guy doing the same sort of thing near Venice beach he gets to them and dies we go back to the TV and the Indiana Jones character is dead. OK I would like to point out that if that guy was the main hero of that movie/serial he would not be dead.

We then get opening theme tune, first we have a guy singing a song about the misfits of science in jazz and a person trying to change the channel then kicking the TV off the stand, a bit like how some episodes of Moonlighting started and then we get the main intro with another theme tune, this is only the second episode and we have had 3 theme tunes. Actually the second two songs are actually the theme for the rest of the series, and it does grow on you.

So episode 2 has Dean Devlin the writer and co creator of Stargate, Independence Day and Godzilla, he has genetic memory of Mayan language and helps the team find the lost Mayan treasure because the Mayans went from Mexico to Santa Monica, I'm kind of surprised that Dean Devlin didn't write this episode, or did he just use some of the ideas for Stargate...I wonder. It's not a great second episode to the series, it made me not want to go on with the rest but I did.

Episode 3 called Guess What's Coming to Dinner, In this episode we find out Jane Gloria's probation officer is heavily pregnant but Billy is oblivious and keeps calling her fat. The episode has the team investigating possible alien contact with a guy who Billy and Elvin laugh about at Humanidyne, the guy is like the dads in Gremlins and Honey I Shrunk The Kids, you know the type the guy that makes things which should help people but they don't work and his kids are embarrassed about him. This actually is one of the few good episodes of the series, we have Gloria getting Billy and Elvin to listen to him and they actually believe he has contacted aliens, but it turns out he has been speaking to a computer which is the targeting of a military bomb. I do think a lot of the plots of the episodes have been made into films, this could be Wargames.

Episode 4 is called Lost Link, it is about the misfits helping a primitive from a lost tribe in new guinea send his dead son's soul into heaven on a space shuttle. Coincidently the shuttle is delivering 2 Star Wars satellites into space with the idol of the primitive son and the Russians feel this is Americans using voodoo. No amount of voodoo would ever make the Star Wars project that Ronald Regan started work but that was him, he believe what he saw in the movies was true, does that mean that he believed ET was a true story?

Episode 5 is called Sort of Looking for Gina. Johnny B is playing with his band even though he said he wouldn't in the pilot, and he follows a girl who live in the sewers around.  While Billy is competing with the Miss Nance the Janine type receptionist character on selling tickets to the company picnic, the thing that dates this is Billy saying 83 friends I don't know 83 people, now today people still don't know that many people very well but we do generally have over 83 people as friends on facebook and twitter. This is the last time we see Jane Gloria's probation officer, probably because she had to give birth, they never mention her again.

Episode 6 is called Sonar...and yet so Far. It has dolphins that speak sadly they don't sing but it has seen some drug dealers sunken cocaine. Gloria wants to learn more about her powers but doesn't get any help from Billy or Elvin and learns nothing new. This episode also spoofs Miami Vice, I guess Miami Vice is like CSI: Miami today, hmm Miami is comedy gold for cop shows.

Episode 7 called Steer Crazy. Has 3 old people eat some glowing green burgers affected by a meteor. The episode also deals with the 80's fear of Nuclear power planets which was understandable then considering the Chernobyl disaster. Funniest stuff in this episode is Billy and Elvin dealing with a mouse that has the same powers as the old people and becomes angry and breaks out of her cage and they deliver some great slapstick. The plot with the old people reminds me of Cocoon oh and Courtney Cox played a doctor in Cocoon 2.

Episode 8 = Fumble on the One. Starts like a bond/noir detective story and then it is like the six million dollar man, well actually 11.4 million dollars apparently. So we have a narrator who kind of sounds like that guy from Hart to Hart. And the team try to help the 11.4 million dollar guy get back the presidential football from the bad guys and we find out more about Billy and Johnny B, Johnny apparently hung out in the desert for 3 years cause he couldn't handle his weirdness, hmm bit like Jesus, maybe that’s why Jesus disappeared to the desert for a while cause he needed to handle his weirdness

Episode 9 called Twin Engines. The story used in the episode was written by Tim Kring the same guy who created Heroes and this is not a very interesting story a bit like how after series 1 of Heroes the show was no longer interesting. It is about a mechanic friend of Johnny B who has premonitions but turns out he is just connected to a long lost twin, his twin is a successful bike racer who is on the wrong side of the mob. Meanwhile Gloria is preparing for her driving test. Is using her power to move a boy out of her way cheating on her test?

Episode 10 called Grand Theft Bunny. Is about animal testing and a woman called Sarah who is a temp that feels sorry for the animals being tested on and takes a cat that scratches her. Johnny B is becoming an electromagnet because of his power and his bodies trace metallic elements. Of course Sarah is friends with Billy, but Billy doesn't want to help her cause he went to jail a lot for protesting at collage cause she got him involved. But he goes to jail quite a lot throughout this series so blaming Sarah is just silly. So the animals have the andromada strain and bubonic plague rolled into one and are going to be used for germ warfare, one rabbit has the cure. The guy who fired the Ghostbusters from Columbia university is in this episode again playing a bad guy arsehole. Sarah and Johnny B get infected and its a race to get the animals back to save them and thanks to Johnny's electromagnetism the bunny flies to him because of it's metal collar.

Episode 11 is Grand Elusion. It starts in Russia in 1973 as they say it is 10 years since JFK died then a guy the KGB are after takes part in an illusion and disappears before John Schuck (Herman Muster) playing a KGB agent. Next it's January 1986, ah the Cold war was still big then, and Herman Munster is still looking for that guy who disappeared 13 years ago. So the rest of the episode is about bring father and daughter together while the KGB want to take back the guy, you know your typical 80's Russian wants to defect to America story. It's a nice sweet story and uses Gloria and Johnny's powers really well.

Episode 12 = Once Upon a Night. Is about a princess who is tricked into stealing her own bracelet to save her fiancé but he's fine it's just her father's employee who wants her for himself. Johnny B falls for the Princess. It's probably the worst episode of the series and is like Aladdin but Aladdin is way better.

Episode 13 called Center of Attention. Max (ALF Dad) is asked by the Humanidyne Board who the Misfits of Science are and we get a explanation of every character with cartoon images of them and he is then asked what do they do and he can't even answer. Meanwhile El's friend a basketball star called the fly is apparently jinxed, El finally plays basketball with the help of Gloria so he can get on his friends team and see if they are blowing the games on purpose or if the fly is actually a jinx. The Max Boardroom stuff ends with Max walking out and saying to camera they didn't get it, it is like a wink saying they knew that NBC execs didn't get the show and it was going to get cancelled, only two more episodes were ever shown.

Episode 14 is called Against all Oz. This is my second favourite episode after the pilot. The plot is Billy stays awake for 2 days and ends up in an alternate reality where he is a nerd, El is telling him off and acting a bit like Biff, Nerd Billy keeps having flashes of previous episodes, he even says the experiments they did were stupid. Though this is your basic memory episode it is using the what if story which I actually like. Max is the janitor for the big lab and he looks and acts a bit like bob Hoskins Mario Mario. The secretary is in charge in the other reality and we find out what they are working on, which is the most powerful nuclear bomb, while we are shown all her bad superpower jokes. And Johnny B is also a nerd with asthma and Max is a pervert, Johnny B is brilliant as a terrified nerd with a George McFly laugh, Billy tells everybody about his “Dream” Gloria is a security guard and is acting a bit like G W Bailey's Felix Maxwell in Mannequin. There is about to be a nuclear explosion as Max dropped a spoon into the bomb and Billy says he is the leader and that if they work together they can fix anything, they do and Billy wakes up from his 2 minute nap then everybody helps him give Max the research he wants and the bomb from the alternate reality is smaller and is actually a vacuum cleaner. I think this should have been the last episode.

Episode 15 is called The Avenging Angel. The episode is about Gloria helps an aspiring wrestler with her powers by accident and decides to keep helping him because it's the first time he has been happy for a while. However the Mob are after him and want him killed. Gloria and Billy are captured and chained into cinema seats and Billy has a crazy nightmare about being a wrestler and being decapitated. When he and Gloria are escaping he kick in the back of her seat to get her free and he removes the tape from her eyes so she can use her power, but before he removes the tape we get the following conversations “hay Gloria you smell nice.” “Billy I'm under age” “alright how bad can the wrap be for statutory smell.” funniest line in the series. This is the last episode that was aired in America on NBC. However episode 16 was aired and is available on DVD in Germany.

Episode 16 is called Three Days of the Blender. It starts like an episode of Hill Street Blues with a police meeting and assignment. Then we have a Jail and a priest is asking Billy to explain what happened. Billy was arrested for spying. The start of the episode is played as a serious news item looking at what Billy did. Billy got a blender from his mum which was posted to him 3 years ago. Billy tries to take the Blender home but apparently it is government owned as it has a warhead chip in it. Billy wants his Blender back but it's top secret. Max had the blender and was going to give it to the government, but Billy turned up and garbed the blender and was arrested for selling secrets. Hope your with me so far.

He won't talk to the rest of the Misfits and so is on his own playing blues on guitar. The bad guys claim to have voice print of who stole the blender and he doesn't agree to help them and starts singing hit the road jack he has a great voice, but then he is the son of Dean Martin and was in a band with Desi Arnez Jr. Billy is protecting Max by staying in jailing saying he is the spy. Turns out the blender was sent to the wrong office. The episode ends with the charges being dropped against Billy after another government agent is arrested and we see two men eating and talking about the events, who sound like Regan and Gorbachev then during the credits we see the misfits have a picnic and chocolate cake. This was the last ever episode, it was another great episode which should have been aired in America and works well as an end of the series but I do still feel that episode 14 would have been a good ending too.

Billy's character was the heart of the show and he kept me wanting to see how they would fix the problems he and Elvin are like Al and Sam Beckett.  This was Courtney Cox's first major role in a TV series, you can see she has talent, though the character of Gloria can be annoying at times, whining like a teenager; when she has serious issues she really shines.  Johnny B is great and funny with his singing when firing off electricity, his high sounding speech when he has too much juice and his amazing asthmatic nerd in the alternative reality. Courtney is the only Misfit still acting, because, Mark Thomas Miller retired from acting after losing patience with the business and is now a rescue diver and working for a product engineering and development company, but sadly Dean Paul Martin died in 1987 aged 35 flying a F-4 Phantom Jet for the national guard and crashing into San Bernardino Mountains, Kevin Peter Hall contacted HIV though infected blood transfusion and died in 1991 aged 35.

The series has some great moments but it is another show like Moonlighting that tried to do something different with each episode and occasionally it worked but mostly it didn't work, sometimes it is like watching random streams of consciousness and I understand why it did not get picked up. I do have to say the actors were really good and seemed to handle the different styles really well, not many shows can change style every week and succeed, apart from Quantum Leap; Moonlighting doesn't count as there were too many breaks between episodes.

I would like to Thank to thedon817 for uploading all episodes onto youtube, here are a couple of Miss Nance jokes from the pilot:

1. Mrs Krantz from Wisconsin called her son Randy has been breathing fire and she is scared about loosing the house

2. The invisible man called again he says he's been in to see you 6 times and you treat him like he isn't even here.

3. A man keeps sprouting fish scales whenever he goes swimming.

Not the best jokes in the world and they didn't get much better.