Tuesday 21 June 2011


Movie and TV Mistress here with a film called Nine Lives.

If you type the title into IMDB.com there are 9 films with that title and one film with Wesley Snipes called Unstoppable which has the alternate title Nine Lives, but the one that I’m watching is from 2002 and apparently stars Paris Hilton, so my expectations are very low.

Before I review this movie I should explain how I came to this point. I really am enjoying writing reviews of films I know many people have not seen, but a lot of the ones I have reviewed are films I like and though it's nice to read and write a positive review once in awhile, I found I really did like slating some of the terrible films I have seen. I was at a friends and she was getting rid of a lot of her DVD's, we have similar tastes, but she has some films I have not even had the guts to pick up and buy such as this one; so I asked if I could take some from her to review she was more then happy to let me take them off her hands and so we are brought to me sitting down and finally forcing myself to watch a Paris Hilton film.

I have read the very long description on the box which tells you exactly what happens and the cause of the up coming deaths I just hope this is a short film, well at 81minutes it looks like it could be, but time as Einstein says is relative.

So the Movie opens with a girl running though corridors with a knife crying I guess that will be towards the end. Next we have the opening credits with cars driving to a very large estate in Scotland and then it says on screen “Earlier that day” Like we couldn't guess. I don't know if the lighting is bad or if their trying to be stylish in some way.

I can tell Paris is not acting she is basically playing herself as usual. So we have a group of good looking and posh kids I already want to die and it is only 5 minutes in to the film, that’s a Lie when I read the box I wanted them dead.

OK we have couples forming and really bad jump scares that mean nothing, we have a boring scene of them talking about shit around a dinning table. Not even the diner room scene in The Evil Dead was this long and even in Peters Friends I cared more about what was happening between the friends at those dinners then I do right now.

I am now 15 minutes in to the film and I’m yearning for some one to be killed so this film can end, as I write this we see our first possession by an evil spirit but no death. Oh dear there is a creepy book hidden behind a wall, could it be an ancient Sumerian text that was not meant for the living, no it's the history of the house and a guy called Murray. While that's happening we have Paris Hilton Striping for what reason I don't know.

Finally after Tom has read the book it becomes blank and just says I have returned in it, then Tom has no eyes and knocks the birthday boy to the ground. Next we have girls being scared and Paris screaming, Yay Paris is dead.

All the phones in the house even the mobiles are not working wow that’s unlucky, we have more pointless jump scares. The staff are dead, Tom is still missing, the girl with the Birthday boy freaks out thinking he is the killer and runs to the door and surprise surprise in pops eyeless Tom who kills her. He then fights with Birthday boy who kills Tom and is then possessed by the evil spirit of Murray and slices another girl in the stomach and runs.

At last something is happening and I feel that they are trying to emulate Evil Dead and The Thing with the possession and paranoia. The girl (Laura) from the start of the film seems the smartest she's locked herself in a room with a guy and the girl who was cut and won't let anyone in.

I thought the lighting was bad before now the lights in the huge house are all out, well accept the lights plugged into the wall in the study Laura is in, which makes no sense if the fuses have blown. Damien and Pete are looking in the Basement for Birthday boy Tim, Duh Duh Duh, Tim turns up and knocks Damien and Pete out, Damien kills Tim then disappears, Pete wakes up he goes back to the locked room and Andy the guy with Laura lets him into the room. We get another explanation of the history and the Spirit of Murray Possessing people, Laura believes Damien is possessed and is going to kill them.

More lame jump scares as Laura and Pete go in search of Damien and plan to capture him, their plan would have worked if they didn't loose a key. The girl with the sliced stomach is doing well considering no medical treatment.

This is so boring I'm finding it hard to focus on it but after some more jump scares Damien goes outside and jumps though the window into the locked room kills the girl who is dying Andy kills him Girl wakes up with no eyes and Andy kills her again. Now it is between Laura, Pete and Andy to survive when Laura accidentally stabs Andy it is finally at the start of the film and she is locked out begging to be let in then she asks peter to Kill her before Andy dies to break the link. She stabs herself, I hope that’s this over.

The book is back to normal and Pete gives a long monologue about why he survived because he was the only Scottish guy in the group then burns the book. If the police turned up he would probably go to jail for all the murders.

OK this film is a boring and terribly written film. The possession starts with a mistake, the writer/director says a book is found which unleashes the evil spirit but then why is Tom Possessed before he finds the book?

The movie is made up of people explaining the Murray Spirit over and over again with lots of pointless jump scares. As I said earlier I wanted all the posh and boring friends to die within 5 minutes there was nobody I felt connected to or wanted to survive, Paris Hilton was only in this film to bring a name to the project and to die first.

If I want to watch a group of friends on Holiday get killed I'll watch the Original April Fools Day, it was more interesting and scary for the right reasons, and it had Tom F Wilson (Biff Tannan).

That’s my thoughts on this film and now I just have to get rid of it.

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